Fuck this gay earth is a classic example of art imitating life itself. What does it mean? I dont think we even know. Do we? I dunno. Sometimes we catch ourselves creating things even we can't comprehend. This track was written on a stormy winter night after a week of playing LSD the video game. When suddenly hodge turned to me and said "When does the clock strike thrice?". I winced, for I had a dream where this happened and shortly after hodge said that thing that he said both in my dream and in real life. My estranged great uncles cousin in law Phillipe burst through the door holding a scroll. Could it be? Ah yes, yes it was. Much to my dismay I had been enlisted into the army to fight the great war on internet piracy. It was a violent war full of unecessary casualties. Controlled by great big fat pink men in black suits who knew nothing of the havoc they were causing. But alas, I am a man of code and my code is to fight for my motherland when called upon. No matter what my ethics may dictate. So begrudgingly I got up off my well worn chair and put on my war clothes, fastening a single gold feather to my trillby (like a fedora but so much more full of swag). Putting on my gumboots I sighed as I looked at my band for the very last time. All of them dissolving into goo as was predicted. "Cmon lads" I said. "I dont have time for this". I looked over at my great uncles cousin in law. My eyes betraying the stoicism I was demonstrating. He laughed. "Well go on then, this could be the last time you see them". Upon hearing this my eyes began to water and I snorted to stifle my tears. "Thanks". I began trudging towards the band. By now they were just silent clumps of ectoplasm, each with their own unique personalities. Reagen was first. Pulling out my straw that I had always kept on me since Scouts. I plunged the end of it into Reagen and began sucking. It tasted sweet like honey, with a tinge of laughter. I shuddered, he was now inside of me. Next was Jacob. I gleefully began scooping handfuls of him inside my mouth, no time for straws now. His ectoplasm tasted of love and the gooey feeling you used to get after a shower when you were 8 years old, when you would change into your favorite pair of pyjamas and sit by the fire, giggling uncontrollably. Thank you Jacob. Last of all was Hodge. I quivered while limping over to his Amorphous lump. "Well where do I begin Hodgey". I laughed, now gasping for air. Suddenly I became aware of the fact that the house we are in seemed to be floating. Outside the windows there was nothing. Just an infinite swallowing blackness. I looked out longingly, where did I go wrong? How do I start again. I'd always thought of myself as a Shepard but now it's becoming painfully obvious I was put here to be a Lamb. With this realization dawning on me I turned to my estranged great uncles cousin in law Phillipe to divulge my misery. Except it wasn't my estranged great uncles cousin in law Phillipe it was actually Whitney Houston. Upon seeing my estranged great uncles cousin in law Phillipe in his...or her pure form I was overwhelmed with beauty. "Jack get up!" Whitney shrieked. "Look we don't have much time, here take this ring!" She threw a ring at me. I barely caught it with my shaking hands. It glowed a quiet purple and hummed gently. Satisfied I had her gift she said "Take the ring into Hodges ectoplasm and restore equalibrium on Earth". Whitney turned to jump off the edge of the house. "But wait Whitney" I yelled. But it was too late. she was gone. I slowly turned around and walked to the liquified version of Hodge. "What could it mean?" I murmered before dropping the ring into Hodge. Upon the rings contact with Hodges goo, Hodge grew in size and transformed into the western depiction of mother nature. Except, something was different. I strained my eyes to see. No. It couldn't be mother nature, this was a man. "HELLO JACK I SEE YOU ARE SUPRISED TO SEE ME IN THIS FORM" I moved to speak but couldn't "JACK THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME, QUICKLY WE MUST LIE TOGETHER TO RESTORE BALANCE IN THE WORLD". He gestured outside and what was once infinite blackness was replaced with Tracy Grimshaw slowly tapping on the window menacingly. I freaked the fuck out to say the least. Father nature shook me violently. "LISTEN YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE DISTRACTED, WE MUST DO THIS....NOW!". Despite being in all caps, Father Natures voice was incredibly alluring and next thing I found myself...
Fucking This Gay Earth.
Thanks for Reading :)
-Jack